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The Sibling Connection

"An Angel's Story"

Angelque Marie 1-3-78 to 1-24-01.

I have one sister. She is the guardian Angel of my 2 boys who she loved as much as I do. She was my baby sister, my one and only sister, the one that called me "Sissy" until she was 9. It was June 1990 when they found the tumor. I was 15. She was 12. Only 12.

Why her? She was the good daughter. I was the rebellious one.

They LifeFlighted her immediately to the Cleveland Clinic to save her life. Twelve hours after they began surgery the neurosurgeon came out and told us they got the tumor out, but it was so wrapped around her pituitary gland that they had to remove that too, causing a complex series of life-threatening problems.

Eleven years of jealousy, guilt, and anger I felt until I realized it was normal for me to feel this way. I was the sister of a sick child-I was the forgotten one. I felt jealousy- mom always had a doctor to see or Angel would get sick right before a special occasion for me. I felt guilt- because of the jealousy I was feeling, because it should have been me and not her, and because I had that normal life. I got married, I had those babies that she always wanted. I felt anger- Why my sister? Why not someone who didn't love their sister as much as I loved mine? Over the years I learned that these were all normal emotions that I had. I had finally accepted the fact that my sister was sick. She would never have that "normal" life that each child should be entitled to.

I was 36 weeks pregnant when mom called and told me Angel was in the hospital again. We had been dealing with her hospitalizations for years now and she had always pulled through even though we were aware as to how medically fragile she truly was. Why would this time be any different?

But this time was different--she was admitted to the hospital in a coma and having seizures. The seizures lasted for 2 days until they had to put her on a paralytic drug to make them stop. The day of my baby shower for my 2nd son the doctor called us to tell us that Angel flatlined her EEG and, before anything could be done, we had to wait 24 hours before running another EEG.

My presents from Angel for the new baby were already there. Those were probably the hardest things I ever had to open in my life. While God was taking one Angel from me he was also handing me another. I guess he couldn't find a suitable Guardian Angel for this precious little boy so he needed to take a true "Angel" for this very important job.

I understand that since Angel's brain surgery that her time on earth was borrowed. At first, the medical experts said she wouldn't live past 18, but 18 came and went then they said 21. Then 21 came and went, and somehow 23 years of age became her number.

They say when you lose a parent- you lose your past, When you lose a spouse -you lose your present, When you lose a child - you lose your future, But when you a sibling- you lose your past, present, and future.

I grieve now not only for the loss of my sister, but for the loss of many things, especially...
     the loss of that normal childhood-- there was no prom for her - she never fell in love
     for my sons- the 6year old that was Angel's little buddy and his 3 month old brother that will never meet this special "Angel" but will learn all that he can through me, my husband, my mom, and his big brother.

We chose organ donation as a way to help other families benefit from our loss. This helps me cope with the loss of my baby sister. Four months after Angel's death I am still missing her terribly and that feeling will never leave.

But I am now accepting my grief. So when someone asks how many sisters I have, my reply will always be "I have one sister."

Please feel free to e-mail me: Cwhite9931@aol.com.







      For further information, email the Sibling Connection.


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