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The Sibling Connection

"My Sister, Kathy"

        I can only hope that somehow my sharing of my feelings helps someone, maybe even me as well. For the past 12 years, I have felt a void in my life. Since my sister, Kathy, died in a car accident in May 1989.

        It was two weeks before I was to graduate. I remember seeing her only a week or two before, and calling her earlier that week.

        On the day she died, I had been cruising round with some friends when I saw my oldest sister, Kym, and she told me I had to go to the house.

        "Why?" I asked.

        She wouldn't say.

        I got to the house only to see everyone's faces. Knowing something was wrong, I looked around to see if anyone was missing.

        At that moment someone spoke, "There has been an accident. Kathy is dead."

        I can't remember who exactly said those words.

        As my knees gave out, my mind became absent, and I knew my life would never be the same. She was after all my best friend. We had been through so much together.

        I was a recovering alcoholic (at 17). Needless to say, I fell off the wagon for a bit. I was in shock for months it seemed. I cried so much it hurt. IT DID HURT!

        I became angry. "WHY !! ?? WHY!! ?? Take me GOD! She was so much better than me. She never hurt anyone!! Please!! I'll do anything !!" To no avail. I lost my faith. I don't understand. I grew up in a mentally/physically abusive house with my 4 siblings: Kym, Kathy, Kelly, and Adam. Of which only Kathy and I had the same father, (who abandoned us when I was 3). She was 20 years old. For 20 years, she had been a rock for me, burdening my troubles as well as her own.

        To this day, I feel a deep sense of loss; every holiday, anniversary, birthday, wedding, every time I get depressed. I miss her profoundly. Coming across this web site has helped, just knowing that someone else understands. I don't believe I'll ever have closure, as I have too many open wounds to heal, and sometimes it seems hopeless to try. But I'm hopeful that someday, somehow I'll wake up and realize that its all been a nightmare. And I'll say "goodnight Kath".







      For further information, email the Sibling Connection.


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